At times like this it is hard to remain positive. It has been a horrible few weeks with too many tears shed a long the way. I was moved by the London Gay Men’s chorus singing Bridge over Trouble Water at the Orlando LGBT vigil, dissolved at the picture of Syrian’s in Aleppo paying tribute to Jo Cox and burst into tears when the lovely girl who serves me coffee everyday and practices her English with me told me she thinks it will be ok and it isn’t my fault.
For Orlando and Jo Cox I felt disbelief that these things could happen but also comforted by the flood of love that poured out across social media and into the streets. Today, it just feels like grief. I feel like I want to hold a vigil for the UK, to acknowledge that my heart is too full. It is too sad. I am aghast and heartbroken, completely ashamed and appalled by the decision to leave the EU.
I am furious for the lies told in the campaign, that people didn’t really expect it to happen voted leave anyway. I feel devastated for the areas of the country like Cornwall who rely on EU funding and I pity the poor local governments who will have to find yet more funding to fill the gaps that it will leave.
I have a sense of relief that the horrible divisive debate is over but I am anxious about the scars that it will leave on our society. I am scared for our bees, for our nature reserves, for our farmers, for the fact that experts aren’t listened to and that the country is so divided.
I believe in openness, multiculturalism, collaboration and supporting people in need. I hate the idea that we are a racist, xenophobic country who is making many of my friends feel that the UK doesn’t want them living here anymore.
Unlike last year, I feel also like my hope is getting smaller with the cumulative weight of bad things. I haven’t yet worked out what to do next. It feels like it is harder to see the light. Today I grieve. Tomorrow we need to organise and think of some solutions.