I love resolutions.
I tend to always make some at the beginning of the year and revise throughout the year. I don’t always do them whole-heartedly but I find thinking about them a good way to think about what is important to me at that point in time which serves as a reminder later on. I remember reading The Happiness Project a couple of years ago and thinking about how simple goal setting and reward structures are useful for helping add extra sparkle to everyday. This year I fancy taking stock before the new year and I think Project Reverb is a good way to process this year and think about what next year might hold for me.
The first prompt is ‘Where did you start 2013? Give us some background on this year.’
2013 started watching fireworks over the rooftops of London with my mum in my cosy flat. We had been out and about in London, then I made an ottolenghi dinner and we drank fizz listening to music on my Hi-Fi. It was the first New Year’s I had hosted in my own home and I loved it. When the fireworks started we hung out of windows looking at Canary Wharf and then Crystal Palace tower. I was bit drunk and full of love for London.
I was uncertain (and a bit scared) about what 2013 would hold for me – I hoped I would buy a flat and I knew I would re-applying for my job which filled me with a certain amount of dread. In the face of these rather BIG changes I knew that I wanted more time doing my thing and doing normal everyday domestic things.
I had been house-hunting for a couple of months and I was going to see a flat the next day. On New Year’s Day in the rain we pounded the streets of South East London looking at road after road, assessing what it was like, wondering if I’d like living there. It was quite relentless and very wet. I remember thinking that I wasn’t sure I’d find my home in London. Two weeks later, I went to view a flat. The minute I walked it, I just knew it was the right place for me.
The day I got my keys was a strange day. After a stressful week with the flat looking like it was going to fall through until the last possible minute, I picked up the keys in a daze and stumbled into this empty flat on my own and had a small squeak. That evening, one of my best friends crossed London to give me a hug, look at my empty flat with me some more and drink fizz in the pub with me. I remember showing her proudly the view of quite industrial South East London but to me it had (and still does) a certain romance and magic to it.
Not everything this year has been easy but I have learnt so much about myself – I have surprised myself about what I can achieve when I put my mind to it. I’m no longer afraid of silence, space and of being alone. In fact, I really like it and love spending time pottering in my flat. I was so worried I was going to find moving scary and freak me out but actually it has all been fine. I’m ending the year still with plumbing issues, mice and a hundred and one things to do but I have time to fix them. This is my place in London and I’m so grateful for it.
I often don’t think I’m good at decisions, I procrastinate and worry. I think about things from every possible angle and talk it through. I’m not a natural starter-finisher but sometimes though it is the best possible thing to commit to one place and see it through. The same words have come back to me all year – faith, hope, thankful, family, community, space, home, and sanctuary.